So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
someone owes me an orgasm
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
