dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
