So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
