The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
