Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
