Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Bring me that man meat
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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