i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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