idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
im six kinds of drunk right now
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
