soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
