whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
