There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
