Joe is yelling at the trees again.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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