It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
