The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize