well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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