Sponge bath it is.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
