He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I did not marry a roomba.
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