I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
only you would photoshop your dick
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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