garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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