rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
