I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
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