she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
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