I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
