Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
