why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
