Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
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