So drunk, too bad you don't want this
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize