It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Randomize
