so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
