if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
MIDGETS
????
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
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