I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
