Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
