So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
