i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize