I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
