When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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