That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
