Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I want her autograph on my taint
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
