Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
