dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
