hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
