No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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