it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Randomize
