I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
