You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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