Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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