I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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