Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
My first STD was from a foam party
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
