My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
