Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
You need Xanax blowdarts
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
