you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
