Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
