Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
We talked him into tasing himself.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
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