Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
