Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
