the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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