who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
