whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
