he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize