I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
