I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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