You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
