I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
