How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Your penis caused this!
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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