it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
