your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
