OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
