Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
