And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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