so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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