Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
