dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
