Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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